Aboard Dignity (Lagoon 420) Blog

Yesterday we said goodbye to my Dad. After battling lung cancer for the last few years, he finally succumbed to the disease earlier this week.

He hung on to see through the final events that mattered to him in his life. His move into their cottage, my sister’s family move into their (Mum & Dad’s) old home, my sister’s 50th and seeing the family here in South Africa, complete with a new generation and a new betrothal.

We believe he enjoyed his last day. He watched the Grand Prix, a couple of episodes of ‘Allo ‘Allo which both he and Mum loved. We were able to show him panoramic photos of what Sue had managed to do with their old kitchen.

We had a commemoration and celebration ceremony at his old home led by a very close family friend, Father Larry Kaufman. Per the families wishes, it was non-religious, very human service. My brother-in-law introduced Larry to the close friends invited. Larry then took us through a formal commemoration of Dad’s life before lighting a candle to represent my father’s life. Then, the seven family members there, my mother, my sister, Max, Jay, Sarah, Helen then myself took turns to pass the flame from my father’s candle to another one of seven representing each of us before we each read our own eulogy. Very apt and very emotional.

We had one further euolgy from Barbara Bull, the families doctor and very close friend before Larry summarized and transitioned the formal ceremony into the celebration by toasting his memory and inviting everyone to tuck in.

I don’t know if my Dad planned it this way but he picked the perfect moment to move on. He maximized his time with us and left before Jay’s daughters marriage next week and our own planned departure tomorrow. It was so heartening to be there and to see all the support from their friends and to know Mum will be surrounded by a cadre who will provide her an active life. In fact, Mum is transitioning so well, perhaps it is them that will need the support as she really is ready to move on.

Hopefully this caps the spectre that has been hovering over this family for the last year, in all it’s forms. Full speed ahead.

It’s been a few days since I last blogged. Now the family have returned to their respective homes life has got back to ‘normal’.

ie, hanging out with and helping the family here, getting on with the paperwork, some entertainment. Some random picks from among all this :

• Skype – Had a rare call from Sam.  He seems to be doing fine in Australia.  He’s definitely looking to extend his visa there and considering residence.  Looks like we may have lots of reasons to return to Australia.  Frequently.
• Taxes – got back to doing this.  Ran into some more road blocks and discovered I’d lost some previous work.  Progress remains slow.
• Future – done some planning for our exit from South Africa.  We’re thinking of a road trip down to Cape Town before flying out.  I’ve also booked into the regional lymphoma support group for their April meeting and the charities AGM in May.  Always good to get more informed.  My doctor is the keynote speaker for the AGM so I’ll see him again there.
• Made more progress towards announcement 3 which could now be hours or days away.  Or weeks.  I mention it now as we had a Twilight Zone moment.  We had to get a document notarized.  The only notary in town is a lawyer.  Ok, more $$$$, but it had to be done.  At the end of the session he said he doesn’t charge for notarizing (cue Twightlight Zone music).  A lawyer giving his time away free?  I’m still not sure we weren’t dreaming.  Nice chap though.
• Entertainment – We saw Les Mis last night.  Well produced movie and great acting.  Just not our thing.  I’ve got back to playing Ingress.  For those who have a remote idea (Frank – that’s you I think), while the family were here, the opposition took over all of Grahamstown.  They’ve been out of town enabling me to take the whole town back getting me to level 7.  Now I’ve been knocked back.  All fun.
• Shoulder – The impingement remains painful.  I’ve been back to the osteopath.  The previous injection has increased the range of motion before the pain really kicks in but no eliminated it.  The next step is physiotherapy.  There is no point starting that here so he wrote up a referral note which I can use in the UK.  Nothing more until then.

So it’s kind of life as usual.  Of course the main reason for being here at the moment is to be with my father who is quite ill.  He’s doing well and not in pain.  He is delighted with the latest development which is a home care visit each day, including a massage.  It’s fantastic being able to have this time together at this difficult time.