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All throughout my life I have looked up to my dad for advice and intellectual strength and have always admired his adventurous spirit.
However, not only did I see my dad as a parent and teacher but I also considered him a true friend
As a boy I would constantly ask him questions… about stars and space, about electricity, circuit boards and computers, why the flame and shape of a candle is the way it is… he would usually go above and beyond the detail I ever expected and would leave me a with lasting knowledge of the world.
Later on. My mum would tell me about my dad’s ability in reasoning and clarity of thought when they took their Maths degrees together.
I really only appreciated this when I came home from university one weekend, quite stuck on a method of proof for one of my upper level math courses. I showed the problem to Dad, who almost immediately said “Oh neat! I’ve never seen this before, it’s a rather interesting way to look at things.”
Almost instantly, he showed me 2 different ways I could solve my problem using what he learned just moments ago, and taught me how to understand the principle and use it for myself with clarity and ease.
It wasn’t only in mathematics did his intellect shine but in everything he did. He had a great ability to see the big picture yet grasp all the minute details without getting lost and it is something I try to emulate to this day…
Luckily for my brothers and myself we each got to spend time with Mum and Dad on their adventure around the world on their boat Dignity not as parents and child but as companions. I have many fond memories of the 6 months I spent in the Pacific with them and I feel my dad and I became quite close friends during that time. We spent many fruitless nights on our quest to find lobsters in the spiky coral at night. Usually we would come back empty handed and hungry but it would just increase our desire to find the best spot for the next hunt. We would spearfish together under the boat in the early morning to catch our lunch for the day. He taught me how to navigate by the stars, by projecting circles onto the earth from the angle and known orbits of points in the night sky. In the evenings we would get quite drunk of the super cheap but delicious Central American rum that was stashed in the hulls, and discuss logic puzzles with themes such as “how to catch a spy on an infinite one dimensional line” or “how to escape from prison using light switches”. I got to see parts of the world that I would unlikely see otherwise and I was and still am greatly appreciative of this time I got to spend with my parents as companions.
Not only was my father an intellectual mentor but he had a fearlessness, curiosity and strength when dealing with the physical world.
He once told me that when growing up, he would see James Bond on the television and say to himself, I want to be able to do all of that! I’m pretty sure he achieved his goal. He learned how to snowboard, how to sail, scuba dive, skydive, abseil, ride speedboats, get a black belt in karate and has even flown a fighter jet. Once on a snowy night in America we were driving home, we were about to pull in to the driveway and he looks at me and says “don’t tell your mother I did this” and proceeds to do a handbrake turn spinning the car 90 degrees and slides perfectly in line with the driveway. Somewhere in his earlier life he taught himself to drive like James Bond as well. However, there is one Bond adventure he wanted to experience but never managed to do and that was to go to space. I’m pretty sure that if he lived longer the technology and price might have been right and he would have made it up there, but it’s definitely something that I plan to do and when I’m up there looking down on our blue planet I will be thinking of him and thanking him for all he did to get me where I am.
I will not only miss the sense of adventure and intellectual curiosity that my father brought to my life, I will sincerely miss him as the caring and devoted man he was to my mother and our family. Probably the best decision of his life was falling in love with my mother, Helen, without whom his adventures in life would probably never been as great. While he never came off as the romantic type (at least to me) he did do great things to show he cared for my mother. For her 50th birthday he secretly flew all her brother and sisters into Central Park in New York city and had each of them sing to her a custom verses of Elton John’s “Your Song” while she was blind folded and in complete surprise. My parent’s marriage has shaped my view of a good relationship and I will continue to look to them as a role model for my marriage as well.
Words cannot begin to express how much I miss my father and how I will continue to miss him. It is shocking to have someone you know and love lose their life, especially when you feel like they had so much more life to give the world. However, I do find solace in the amazing memories I have of him and that he has a place in my heart and also in hearts of each and everyone of you. I truly believe that my father lives on in all of us.
I would like to end my tribute with a quote by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn –
Some are bound to die young
By dying young a person stays young
in people’s memory.
If he burns brightly before he dies,
His brightness shines for all time
I love you Dad and I will never forget you and our time together.
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By Sam Southwood
The best way to describe anyone would be to share memories…as it’s certain acts in certain scenarios which best narrates who a person is.
There’s certain memories that really stand out when I think of Dad, which seem to always hit me all at once…associations, if you will, that attaches to so many different aspects of life.
The earliest of which would be weekend mornings up in mum and dad’s room, sitting on dads back, and with a pair of tweezers I’d draw imaginary pictures or write words on his back and he’d try to guess what it was.
I remember from so long ago I thought he was this invincible giant, immune to pain and could conquer anything.
I remember the periscope he bought for me so I could see out the back windows of his dark green Alpha Romeo cos I was too small
I remember the maths times table he coded on the computer to teach John, Ben and I how to solve multiplication.
I remember the Simpsons! Two episodes back to back on Thursdays…and I’ll always associate that cartoon with him.
Watching Star Trek – playing “there!” when certain credits appear
I remember being taken to America…seeing the legendary towering skyrise of New York City with him for the first time.
I remember the lectures about my grades in school
I remember his amazing analogies…from whales in jars being thrown from a balloon to describe how gravity works, to the elephant in the box to describe objective critical thinking.
I remember snowboarding – riding as fast as I can only to see his bright yellow jacket fly past us…waiting for us at the bottom of the slope.
And the Friday night movies then Outback Steakhouse, going home to watch a TV show or documentary.
I remember that more than half of the videogames I’ve played were HIS videogames.
I remember going out for night drives in his Audi, with the roof down, blasting Rob Zombie and going to absolutely nowhere specific just for the fun of it. All his idea as well, of course.
I remember being at the dinner table, listening to him and Ben talk mathematics like speaking another language, not having a clue what they’re saying but just being amazed by Dad always having an answer for everything.
Christmas mornings, playing with presents Mum and Dad bought us….Him, playing with presents Mum and Dad bought us.
The travelling. The hikes, mountains, beaches, scuba-diving, adventures….and being spoiled with experiences, lessons, and skills.
His reasoning for learning how to sail a boat before I could drive a car.
I remember his embodiment of being proactive and hardworking to a level that I’ve never seen in anyone else.
I remember why it’s not about the right answers, it’s the right questions.
I remember that everything is difficult the first time, and everything gets easier the more you practice it.
I remember that it’s not about memorizing why things work, it’s understanding how it works.
Oh…and his puns – you can never lead a pen, but a pencil always needs to be led.
I remember that it’s certain acts in certain scenarios which best narrates who a person is. That who you are and what you do are the same thing. It’s our actions that define us, and it’s our eternal echoes that immortalize us. I remember Dad in almost everything I can do or see, and I expect I will continue to do so – which leads me to believe that Dad may no longer be here, but he’s not gone because he’ll never leave my mind and heart.
This is where I’d like to end it, but then again, there is no end to his memory.
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On Saturday at about 2.00 pm. I looked around my kitchen diner and out onto my garden and thought this is amazing. The marquee was up, the tables and chairs all laid out, the food overflowing and beautifully displayed, the music system all set up and the walls covered with tributes and messages for Steve. It was warm and the sun even peeped out. Members of my family had been around for hours, working away and getting everything prepared for the celebration. There were lots of noises, talks and laughter as we worked. I remembered how much Steve use to love these family get together.
Our son Ben and his new wife Amy had arrived that morning from New York and Steve’s mother and sister a few days before from South Africa, so all the immediate family were here.
Before Steve died we had talked about funerals and he was very clear about what he didn’t want and wanted. He wanted a non-religious Celebration of Life and I remember him mentioning that the Humanist Association had good ideas for celebrations. While looking through Steve’s laptop, I notice that he had booked marked The British Humanist Association and there was a page of local celebrants. I contacted a couple of them and was fortunate to find one free for the 28th of September.
With the help our celebrant Ray, I was able to structure a ceremony for Steve.
The ceremony started with everyone gathering and sitting down to “Your Song” by Elton John, which was mine and Steve’s song and significant to a particular memorable occasion which is briefly recounted by Ben in his speech.
Ray then welcomed everyone, giving a short introduction and a brief biography of Steve
Steve’s sons Ben, Sam and John each recounted memories of their dad (which I will publish in the next blog.)
Steve’s mother Norma and sister Sue then gave their amusing account of Steve in his youth
Ray read out a couple of tributes from the many many tributes sent by friends across the seas.
Ray then recounted some of my memories.
We had about 30-40 seconds of silence in quiet reflection
We all joined in as Sam sung and played on the piano “Imagine” by John Lennon
Ray gave the closing words
To the music: “Dignity” by Deacon Blue, I planted Steve’s apple tree, pouring his ashes with the dirt, joined by his Ben, Sam and John.
Finally we released 49 biodegradable balloons into the sky. Each of the balloon released by a friend or member of the family. One for each year of Steve’s life. The ones that Ben, Amy, Sam, John, Norma, Sue and myself released had a small amount of his ash in it.
Then we celebrated with plenty of food and drinks. It was a lovely ceremony and day. Steve would have approved.
I know I said, I would write a tribute to Steve but I have just not found words good enough to do him and my feelings justice. Maybe in the future after I have read through his blogs, I will write a book on our adventures and that will be a tribute to him.
All I can say for now is that he was the best husband, the best father, my best friend and my best love.
Steve, I love you and miss you desperately.
]]>There is a longer story but that will have to wait.
]]>There is a longer story but that will have to wait.
]]>We are getting daily updates from Christina, Peter’s wife, who is in regular contact with them over the SSB radio. She is checking their position and condition and [...]]]>
Dignity is finally on her way to Australia. Peter and Sam, checked out of Fiji Monday morning as a fine weather window opened up for them.
We are getting daily updates from Christina, Peter’s wife, who is in regular contact with them over the SSB radio. She is checking their position and condition and passing on essential weather information.
They had a pleasant first day sail, with 15 knots of wind, making good progress doing 6.5 kts with a swell out of the SW of 1.2m.
Yesterday their second day was a little tougher. They went through a little trough which was expected, but the wind turned out to be stronger than anticipated. Peter didn’t contact Christina at the scheduled evening time, due to the fact that they were dealing with 34kts of wind at the time. The wind continued between 24-30kts for 4 hrs afterwards. They reefed down the sails and coped well with the strong winds.
Today the winds have died down and so Peter plans to motor sail until the winds picks up again which is forecasted to soon.
If the weather continues to look good and stay as predicted, Dignity will probably sail direct to Australia without stopping off at New Caledonia. A direct sail will give them an ETA of 23rd/24th of August to Brisbane.
Steve has just finished his third round of chemo. It is beginning to takes its toll on him physically and mentally. We take each day as it comes. We take short walks to exercise Steve, read, watch movies and TV (recently enjoying the Olympics) and plan our future for possible outcomes and getting a few things sorted or going. In the evenings we enjoy dinner and time with the family, just chatting about the day and things in generally. Steve and I use to do this with our children so it’s lovely to enjoy family dinner time again.
Last weekend before Steve’s chemo, we took a trip to the bay with Sarah, Russ and Jack (who acted as our chauffer to earn hours for his driving permit). This was the first time we’ve been by the sea since leaving Fiji. It was a lovely day.
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Our friends Janine and Brian have lent us their spare car which they said has just been sitting in their garage. This is fantastic as we now have independence and the convenience of getting around locally and to the hospital without relying on Sarah all the time. We are so grateful for their generosity.
Throughout life I have always looked for the good side of people. Always like to give people the benefit of doubt because we are all very human. During our travels we’ve met many many good and lovely people. I can’t really recall any bad ones…well maybe the odd miserable custom official!
My belief in people’s goodness and kindness has been justified over and over again during this very difficult time for us. We are extremely fortunate to know and have wonderful family members and friends so generous of heart. ]]>
Emotionally Steve often struggles but he is strong. Our lives have completely changed and there’s a lot to take in, accept and adjust to. The heavy dose of steroids he is also taking, intensify all his anxieties and worries so that’s a battle in itself. The doctors and nurses here have been amazing. I expect in a chemo ward like this, the staff are often dealing with people like us and have the support system in place. I am certainly glad of it.
Our plan for delivering Dignity to Australia is going well. Peter on s/y Nymph will be delivering our boat for us. We know him and trust his skills and experience. He is also the boatyard manager at Norsand, NZ where we hauled out and did work on Dignity so we know he has excellent knowledge of boats in general. Sam and Dignity will be in good hands.
At the other end in Brisbane where Dignity will be delivered to, Trish and Rob on s/y Bristol Rose have been researching marinas and making enquiries for us. We now have a berth booked at Manly at the MBTBC marina. Thanks to Trish for all her efforts.
We are hoping that Sam will continue the tradition and write about the passage to Australia for our blog.
Again thank you everyone for your best wishes and kind thoughts. I am sorry I have not answered many of your emails but every message was very much appreciated.
]]>We did get some preliminary report of the biopsy. The senior consultant of Infectious Disease came to see Steve. He said it was good to finally meet the person they’ve had so many discussions about. He reamed out a long list of test they [...]]]>
We did get some preliminary report of the biopsy. The senior consultant of Infectious Disease came to see Steve. He said it was good to finally meet the person they’ve had so many discussions about. He reamed out a long list of test they had done which I can’t remember much but included TB, brain worms and certain types of bacteria/microbes. All test results were negative. Things like ciguatera, vCJD were eliminated very early on. The biopsy showed no signs of micro organisms so critters in Steve’s brain have been ruled out.
Our neurology consultant also visited to let us know that his first impression from the biopsy is that Steve has an aggressive attack of MS. It’s not conclusive yet as they still have to complete the full cell stain test. Steve’s lesions patterns are unusual and not quite typical of MS so they have to make sure lymphoma is completely ruled out. The full result should be back on Monday, latest Tuesday. What they do know for certain is that there are many inflammations in Steve’s brain; therefore they immediately started a three days course of steroid treatment intravenously. Already Steve is showing marked signs of improvement. He is more alert, energetic, cheerful and his balance is coming back.
We also celebrated a lovely diversion this week. Cousin Sarah and Russ’ oldest son Christopher received the Premier’s VCE Award for
outstanding achievement in Further Mathematics. The whole family including Chris’ younger brother Jack and sister Ross and Patrick (the trainee guide dog they have been looking after for the past year,) attended the award ceremony and tea, where the Premier of Victoria presented the certificate. It really is a brilliant achievement as only a few top students from thousands in the State of Victoria get this award. Chris has also been accepted to Stanford University in the USA and will be starting there this coming September. So lots of preparation and excitement along that front too.
Today the family left for their much deserved winter vacation to Queensland. They will be away for ten days, hopefully to enjoy plenty of sunshine, beaches and fishing. I haven’t been left entirely home alone. Besides the stick insects, frogs, chickens and the cat, I have been introduced to Sarah’s neighbors and friends who have kindly told me to call on them for any help and also to invite me for a meal or two in the evenings after visiting Steve. I am still being well looked after here.
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On Tuesday after looking at the results of the spinal and brain MRI, the senior consultant did not feel convinced that it was MS. He said that the type of lesions/abnormalities seen in his brain were very unusual and rarely seen. There were elements of MS but more as [...]]]>
On Tuesday after looking at the results of the spinal and brain MRI, the senior consultant did not feel convinced that it was MS. He said that the type of lesions/abnormalities seen in his brain were very unusual and rarely seen. There were elements of MS but more as well. He wanted to study the scans further, get a couple of second opinions and talk further with the infectious disease doctors. He was reluctant to give Steve any steroid type treatment as it might just mask the real cause. He also ordered another brain MRI to check if there were changes in the abnormalities i.e if it’s getting worse or stable.
On Wednesday, Steve had another brain MRI and a test called a Visual Evoked Potential. One of the infectious disease result came back negative.
Yesterday (Thursday) was Steve’s birthday. For a birthday present we were hoping for some positive results. Mid morning our senior consultant, the head neurosurgeon and about ten member of the team (no exaggeration) turned up. The MRI showed that Steve’s lesions are getting worse and they wanted to do brain biopsy straight away. So yesterday afternoon Steve went down for his brain biopsy.
The operation went very well. They were able to get a good sample for biopsy in a safe area of the brain, very near the surface, so the intrusion was minimal.
In recovery I asked Steve how he was feeling and he said “really shitty” so I knew he was OK. He was very lucid, thirsty, hungry and wanting to wee, all good sign. I left him last night after his pain medication to get a good night sleep. I got a good night sleep too.
This time I think the waiting is almost over.
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